Monday, June 22, 2009

Unfriending is (not that) hard to do

Dear Facebook Friend #70,

This just isn't working. I'm sorry. It's not me, it's you.

To be honest, I've been somewhat hesitant about our relationship from the start. Yes, we went to the same high school, but you were three years younger than me. The only class I ever recall having together was when I was a teacher's aide for your 8th grade civics class. (And honestly, my memories of that class are pretty much limited to sneaking out in the hall to make out with LG, who was an office aide that period, and grading the 6'5" basketball player's tests on which he barely made above his per game scoring average, yet never missed a single game.)

So I wasn't sure why you friend requested me. But due to my non-confrontational nature and my inherent need for everyone to like me, I accepted.

Lately, your incessant posting has just become too much. You fill up my homepage daily so that I have to scroll way down or click "older posts" to see updates from my actual friends. Your 8 posts in a 17-minute-span last night was the final straw.

Look, I understand that you must be very busy, what with running your own zoo, not to mention a very successful farm. All the while you've apparently become caught up with the mob, and also seem to be in the middle of a gang war. And I'm sure you're very proud that your zoo just successfully bred 6 Fiji Banded Iguanas.

But frankly, my dear. I. Don't. Care.

And so the time has come to unfriend you. Unfriend--it's quite possibly the ugliest word in a Facebooker's vernacular. I'm not even sure it was a word until Facebook came along. But that's neither here nor there.

I hope that this will not be too hard on you. Surely, you can busy yourself in your Lil' Green Patch and find consolation amongst your other 379 friends. You probably won't even notice I'm gone. After all, you've never once written on my wall and I've not written on yours. We never hurled farm animals in each other's direction. Never even poked one another, thankfully.

I would say that I hope we can remain friends. But as I am unfriending you, that would seem impossible, not to mention counterproductive. So I'll just say that I hope we can remain people-who-once-met-each-other-but-have-no-business-being-Facebook-friends-as-we-were-never-really-friends-to-begin-with.

Thanks for the memories blog entry.

PS: Also, please accept this as my declination of your invitation to join the mafia.

"So don't invite me, throw a sheep or bite me. I hate applications. There are far too many, and I don't use any..."


  1. I like the way you unfriended. I have ben downright rude to a few who refused to my pleadings of not clogging my inbox.

    Now if anyone who tries to friend me on FB, I ask who you?

    Lately I have felt that the worst book there ever was, is FACEBOOK!

    Only redeeming feature is it has connected me with my OLD friends.

  2. I was once unfriended. Much more subtle than your way of doing it but unfriended nonetheless. *sigh*

  3. I think there is a way to just block a person's updates from appearing on your feed, isn't there? Might be a better option if you are truly worried about offending someone.

  4. Oh I loved the "Thanks for the blog post" line. That was fabulous.

    I almost kind of bet she doesn't ever even notice. A friend of mine once defriended her ex-boyfriend and it took him like six months to realize they weren't "friends" any longer. When you have 370+ friends, what is one with whom you aren't close anyway?

    While I'm sorry you have annoying Facebook friends, I greatly appreciate the laugh this morning :)

  5. But frankly, my dear. I. Don't. Care.
    I love the way you have been taking cliches and making them new
    I love the way you build up to the mob

    And yes I hate incessant postings. I do hide some so I don't have to unfriend as I just can't do that.

    I too love Facebook for connecting with people from my past but that's about it--and now with Iran FB & Twitter have become the news sources

  6. it is just too bad that Burger King isn't still doing that Angry UnFriending thing still. If you did that your new UnFriend got a friendly message that they were unfriended just because you wanted a free hamburger! LOL!
    As it stands this unfriending will go unnoticed. I've done it a few times now and I don't let it bother me. So far I've only had a few unfriendings that I wanted to do with mallace.
    I need to blog something...I'm thinking of just copying my Facebook wall to my blog.

  7. Frankly, my dear, I love how you kept this blog G-rated. :)

    I've had FB friend requests denied and I've been unfriended, but I've done the same to other people on occasion, so I figure all's fair in love and Facebook.

    There's one FB friend who I've occasionally considered unfriending or blocking, but I don't mind her status updates so much now that I think of them as my own version of (although it's her ultra-right-wing status updates that irritate me the most).

  8. The "counterproductive" line was absolutely hilarious!

  9. Gautami - Well, I'm not good at being rude. At least not intentionally.

    I don't mind Facebook the majority of the time. It's a fun little diversion.

    Murf - Better to have Facebooked and been unfriended than to never have Facebooked at all?

    Susan - Sadly, that information could have helped me. Oh well, too late now :)

    TC - Yeah, that's what I figured. I was worried she might receive a notification when I unfriended her, but I did some googling and that did not appear to be the case.

    Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

    Pia - I didn't know you could hide someone's posts. Well, I figured you probably could, but I guess it was too much effort to figure out how :)

    Unfriending wasn't so bad. It's somewhat liberating actually. Of course, now I have to worry about whether or not Facebook is going to suggest me as a friend to her in the future, thus blowing the whole thing.

    Renee - I saw something about that while I was googling, but I hadn't heard of it before last night. What kind of deal did Burger King have?

    Yes, you do need to blog something. I'm feeling like I'm in the Bizarro World here. You're off in Facebook land. The whole system is breakin' down!

    R8chel - Thanks. I do my best :)

    I don't think I pay enough attention to my friend count to know if I've ever been unfriended. But I'm sure I have.

    Of course, there's also the matter of the 10 or so friend requests that have been sitting there for months that I still haven't accepted or ignored.

    Yeah, I don't care for those radical-right-wing status updates, either. I'll probably block those now that I know I can, once I figure out how :)

    Mama Zen - Thanks. I figured it was important to explain myself as clearly as possible in this letter which will most likely never be read by the person it was intended for.

  10. I'm doing the FB-Mafia Wars thing and have far more FB friends than I've ever had, or ever will have, but I know some of them unfriend me because while my Mafia is over 500 strong I have less than 300 friends...and I've started seeing some familiar faces pop up in the Suggested Friends section.

    "Wasn't that guy already one of my friends?"

    So yes, at some point, your little friend may discover that the two of you are no longer BFBFFs...unless you block your profile from them. I believe you can do that, and that way they should never, ever see your FB presence again...assuming it works like it should.

  11. I cleaned house not too long ago. I'm sorry, but if you didn't bother associating in high school then you have no business friending me like we are long lost buds. I realize that I spent hs in my on bubble and was pretty oblivious to those outside my bubble. Sad, but true.

  12. This post made me laugh a lot! Especially this sentence: But due to my non-confrontational nature and my inherent need for everyone to like me, I accepted, which I think I relate to a little too much.

    The problem with facebook (well, A problem with facebook anyway) is that you do kind of want to see what all these people are up to. Not really enough to have their every virtual movement displayed on your homepage, but enough to make the mistake of friending them just to find out. That's mostly how I end up in this situation. That and the non-confrontational thing.

  13. I never knew you could do al those things on facebook. I just ignore the stuff I'm not interested in.

    I love the take on "Gone With the Wind."

  14. I've had this problem before as well. I hate unfriending people, but sometimes it has to be done.

  15. Put your mouse on the right side of the comment--extreme right but around the verbiage
    It will say "hide" If you choose that every comment or post or whatever they're called will be hidden

    I only do that to a political thing I'm not friends with but began getting massive comments from. Since I couldn't unfriend who I'm not friends with--I figured that out. And I think I became a "fan" of...but still.

  16. Oh and when I had my FB breakdown yesterday, people from high school who are now influential lawyers emailed and offered help. I do find it an amazing vehicle for coming to terms with the past and becoming a real adult--can't blame anything on kids from junior high anymore. Not that I really did. but FB's helped me make peace with much

  17. Bravo! Loved it. I've had frighteningly young people from work send me friend requests, and I always accept because I don't wanna be rude. And yet. You said it well!

  18. I'm yet to be impressed with FB myself. Anyway... I haven't had your FB problem yet as I only have friends from my past and a few people I'm just getting to know. So no troubles yet. BTW, great post.

    Thanks for stopping by and leaving your comments. Greatly appreciated. I now have you in my google reader and won't be such a stranger. Hope all is well. Have a great night.

  19. Unfriending... You're funny, Bone

  20. HAHA! Your letter is funnier than mine. :)
    I have a few friends that I feel the same way. One lives in AL, umm what. I'm kidding. :)

  21. And this might be the number one reason I do not join Facebook, though after reading this post, perhaps there's a lot of fun and entertainment to be had.

    Throwing farm animals?

    Invitations to the mafia?

    Breedings of iguanas?

    Hmm, maybe I just talked myself back into considering it. Though to be honest, I don't think I could handle it if someone befriended and then unfriended me. I, like you, need to be liked by everyone and to keep everyone happy. That might be too much!

  22. I'm actually a bit disappointed that I understood everything in this post. My mom, on the other hand, wouldn't have a clue what Lil Green Patch or Mob Wars might be. Does this mean she has more of a life than me?

    Couldn't be! Is there a facebook quiz that can tell me how cool I still am?

  23. oh you are also on FB? May be we should become friends :) Ha, ha only kidding- This was funny Bone- it does get a tad annoying does it not...since I log on to just add people on....and occasionally see what everyone is up to...I miss this left and right commenting business.... :)

  24. wonder if anyone will notice when I am not on facebook anymore...
    I joined to get info on my HS reunion and I think I will delete it next month and go off the grid for a while.
    :) but since we are not FB friends- you won't be hurt, and I think we'll still be friends, you know where to find me... somewhere in Alabama!

  25. Cap'n John - Oh, so I could conceivably make myself disappear? Interesting. Sort of the Facebook witness protection program.

    Kontan - Well I don't mind someone adding me to their friend count, as long as I have some idea who they are and they aren't cluttering my page with twenty posts a day.

    J Adamthwaite - Mine is mostly the non-confrontational thing. I guess I'm not really that interested in seeing what these people are up to :)

    PennyCandy - Well, I only know about them from other people's status updates that pop up on my page.

    Jen - I just went and checked to make sure I'm not one of the ones you've unfriended :)

    Pia - Thank you thank you thank you. I find it hilarious that here on this social networking site, it became necessary to include a "hide" feature for people we decide to friend but really don't want to hear from.

    Also, I'm sure you can imagine how difficult it was for me to decline an invite to join the mob, given my man crush on Jason Morgan.

    Actonbell - Ooo, that would be a difficult situation if someone you had to see everyday sent you a friend request. I guess that's a mandatory accept.

    Michelle Johnson - Thank you for stopping by. I've added you back to the blogroll now that I've found you again.

    Sage - I only wish I'd coined the term. I'd sell t-shirts on my CafePress site that I've yet to create.

    OKChick - LOL You know you couldn't live without seeing my results to the "What Office Character Are You?" quiz.

    Marina - If you join, all I ask is that you do not poke me nor throw any sheep at me. Please.

    Charlotta - Yep! I took it. I'm 64% cool. Whatever that means.

    UL - I usually only log on to play Lexulous and/or post a quote from The Office.

    Daily Panic - go off the grid for a while

    Haha. I love it. How very Jack Bauer-ish of you.

  26. Well said!!! I'm sick of Mafia Wars. I'm irritated by old coworkers whom I have NO desire to ever see or speak to again who find me and want to be my friend and I KNOW the only reason they want to connect is to either increase their friend numbers or snoop on my face! I'm gonna go thru and unfriend some people!

  27. I call it defriending, and I've yet to do it; although I have started just rejecting these random high school people's requests since I have no clue who they are. I often hide people in my news feed, especially people from my hometown who feel the need to alert me to every trip they make to Walmart and the tanning bed.

  28. Inspired by this post, I actually searched for "bone" on Twitter. Highly amusing... You have some stiff competition like Dr. Angelus Bone (who I don't think is a doctor) and warns readers: "This is not for the thin skinned!" Then, of course, there's Joyce Bones, millionaire mom extraordinaire, offering to help other moms rake in millions (though I'm not sure where these millions are coming from). Let's also not forget the Bone-Thugs-N-Harmony Twitter page - so fierce!

    I say drop the Facebook and come to my neck of the woods on Twitter! You'd be in great, err, interesting company - minus the sheep throwing.

  29. Lol! I loved this :)

    When I joined fb I signed up as "Mayden Cora" for the exact purpose of avoiding the people who know me in day to day life and only having a hand full of blog friends...
    and then someone local found me!!!

    The worst was when an annoying lady from church wanted to friend me and didn't know anything about my blog. In her most annoying "mother-hen" voice she wrote, "Sooo- tell me about "Mayden"

    Blech! I did NOT friend her! :)

  30. Loved this post...I've had to 'unfriend' quite a few times. So awkward, but what can you do? Although I also love the "hide" feature, so you can stop getting their statuses, etc., without them even knowing it. It's like an invisibility

    Have you seen this hilarious BBC video about Facebook, Bone? I thought of it after reading your post -- it's so, so funny!

  31. I've unfriended several people that I had originally friended. For me, it was the incessant political and religious posts. I generally am pretty tolerant of other people's points of view but several people were very militant about stuff and I couldn't take it anymore.

  32. Bone, I so appreciate and envy your candor. Can I simply un-friend somebody as you have done? God, I wish. With help and support I, too, will be able to un-friend those who deserve it (I mean, really, a friend request but then nothing?).

  33. I learn so much from u bone!
    This was so creative and fun to read!
    I am on facebook and have been wanting to debone I mean Defriend someone but I feel too rude so I keep letting him annoy me.. But NOW? watch out guy from high school who I don't remember, know or want to ever know!!