Thursday, November 22, 2012

High, and (still) dry

When anon I realized I hath not blogged in a span of nearly twain fortnights, I didst recall yon erstwhile days wherein my nimble fingers wouldest blog daily.  Erelong didst I question why I had just useth "fortnight" to describeth time.  But in nowise finding any answer, and whereby I am unable or unwilling to continue in my present manner of writing, do I ashamedly present the following scantily clad entry.

The election has come to an end.  The Electoral College has spoken.  I call for all Americans to now come together and enjoy a few weeks with no political ads, because one thing's for certain: Campaigning for 2016 will begin all too soon, if it hasn't already. 

In case you somehow managed to miss the election results, allow me to fill you in.  We here in Boneville USA voted for the status quo.  That is, to remain a "dry" municipality.  (Do people in the rest of the country even know what a dry city/county is?)

Chant with me.  Four... more... years... four... more... years... of no legal alcohol sales within the city limits.  More chanting.  No... we... can't!   I read somewhere we are the largest "dry" city in the state.  Kind of a quirky claim to fame, er, something, wouldn't you say?

But all is not lost.  For my state is one of several to have a petition started for us to secede from the Union.  That's right, ye Scallywags, tonight we're gonna party like it's 1861!

Oy.  That really is the facepalm of all facepalms.

But ere ye think we've all gone mad down here and have Sean Hannity piped into our homes 24/7 (was that redundant?), there comes this bit of news: Nick Saban received dozens of write-in votes for President in the state of Alabama.  (I said "in" not "of.")  Twenty-two votes in one county alone.  And suddenly everything is set back in order.

His wife even received a write-in vote for circuit clerk in one county.  And no, it wasn't my county.  Although I can't promise it won't be next time.  Let us raise a toast... Uh... on second thought, it's like a seven-minute drive to the nearest beer store.  So scratch that.  We'll have to settle for a virtual fistbump.  *makes explosion sound with mouth*

Speaking of football, I am sure some of you were concerned about me following Bama's first loss of the season.  Let me just say that your concern is appreciated, and very much warranted.  The past three weeks have been an emotional seesaw.

After the LSU game, I was on a three-day high.  Or what I imagine a high to be.  I've never really been high, at least not in the drug-induced-brain-altering sense.  Once I got a splitting headache from being around a guy who had obviously been smoking pot, but I don't think that counts.  Anyway, had you tested the levels of dopamine in my brain following that game, I would surely have been stripped of all my Tour de France titles on the spot, assuming I had won any, or owned a bike whose tires were not perpetually both flat.

It seems almost not possible that the football season has passed so quickly.  I guess time flies when you're in a near-constant state of anxiety interspersed with brief moments of relief.

And if ever I need to get away from the stress of it all, an afternoon walk with Nephew Bone does the trick.

As autumn wanes, we talk about things like why Uncle Bone can't crack just one pecan by itself, where does this road go, the importance of finding just the right stick, and "Ooo, look!  A helicopter!"  You know, the important stuff.

These moments are among my favorite.

I wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving.  And on that note, I'll leave you with four-and-a-half minutes of not-entirely-politically-correct classic sitcom gold.

"Educated in a small town / Taught to fear Jesus in a small town / Used to daydream in that small town / Another boring romantic, that's me..."


  1. Feliz dia de la acción de gracias! I hope you have lots to be thankful for this year.

    Precious, precious photo.

  2. Happy Thanksgiving Bone!

    I don't even remember the last time I blogged. :p I've been putting it off.

    Well as I'm sure you heard, Colorado voted to legalize pot. oye! So now they're debating how much pot is too in driving under the influence. I had to comment on the article because all the pot heads were whining about how the drug stays in your system and you could get a ticket even if you aren't currently stoned. So I says "you're only gonna get pulled over for impaired driving." But no one listens to me anyway.

    I sure wish that my city was dry. When we moved here back in the day there was only one liquor store and it went out of business. I was rejoicing as it became a Christian Book Store. But then we got 4 new liquor stores to replace it. And the book store is now belly up. sigh!

    Can I borrow your nephew? I need a walk.

  3. If you ever have the chance to visit Quitman, Mississippi, make sure to stop by the outpost on your way in to town.

    I'm glad you survived the A&M weekafter. I was worried.
    Roll tide

    Also. Obsessed with your nephew. More pics.

  4. TC - And to you, as well. Thanks. I'm pretty sure the inclusion of the 4-year-old upped the photo's preciousness factor quite a bit.

    Renee - So we voted to remain dry and ya'll voted to legalize pot. Talk about opposite ends of the spectrum :)

    Yes, but beware, he likes to go down every road he's never been down, and none that he has. If you ever read the comic strip Family Circus, he's exactly like Billy.

    Cami - Quitman? What do they have there, like one caution light? A Piggly Wiggly? Roll Tide!

  5. Yeah, if I read only one blog this year, I wouldn't be reading much. Methinks.

  6. Thanks for the WKRP clip--I was with a bunch of friends the other day and it came up. It's becoming a part of Thanksgiving legend, along with Alice Restaurant and sweet potatoes with way too much brown sugar and butter.

  7. Loved the post. Knew it was going to be the WKRP clip--don't know if I can watch it. They all look so young!

  8. Bone, I hope you had a great Thanksgiving - mine has been wonderful and thank you for the good wishes!

    Your post gives new meaning to the phrase "bone dry". lol

    The photo of you and your nephew is adorable! It's walks like those, and the "important stuff" talks, that make life precious. It was good to see you post again - make sure you come back again, OK? A post-Christmas post - how's that? :)

    P.S. Your WKRP video brought back so many memories - I loved that show!

  9. MarkD - Your comment made me laugh. What can I say? What I lack in quantity, I make up for in irrelevance?

    Sage - It definitely is. I even saw a reference to it on ESPN the other day. I don't think I remember the Alice one, even though I watched that show a lot. I'll have to look it up.

    Pia - Thanks! I remember I was so excited when Mister Carlson played George's boss on Seinfeld for a few episodes. And have always liked Howard Hesseman.

    Sherri B - Yep. It's those moments you can't/don't really plan, they just happen. And I've learned to cherish them a bit more.

    I hope to be back much sooner. But then I'm sure I've said that before.

  10. You'd think California would be the one state saying yes to gay rights and less strict marijuana laws but oddly enough, no.

    The Nephew is growing up so quickly! It seems not long ago that he was just a wee thing.

    Happy Thanksgiving!

  11. exCUSE me. There are FOUR stop lights, a Piggy Wiggly and a SunFlower. So THERE. AND! AND! A Hardee's. SOOOOOOOO basically a metropolis.

    but not a drop to drink.

  12. Love the photo. I hope your holiday time is pleasant and that you cherish the moments.

  13. OMG! we live in the SAME town! lol!!

  14. Our *neighborhood* is the only dry one in our city, which is a weirdness I didn't even know was possible until I moved here. But it's okay: I don't mind driving a mile down the road to the bottle shoppe to get my booze. I also don't mind that the six college guys who rent the house behind us can't stagger home from the bar (much better that they have to DRIVE themselves).

    Anyhow, I want you guys to secede down there so that I can call you My Favorite International Blog Buddy.

  15. Xinh - I think I assumed marijuana had been legal in California for years. lol

    Cami Smith - Wow, sounds like it has really grown! I KNEW there had to be a Piggly Wiggly. Actually, I love little towns like that. I bet there's a hardware store, too.

    Cooper - I wish the same for you, Miss Cooper.

    Edifice Rex - Ha! It was neighbor versus neighbor. Much more contentious than the Presidential contest here.

    Jocelyn - A dry neighborhood? Wow, I never knew that existed, either.

    Well, I have always kind of wanted to be able to refer to myself as an expatriate. Of course, I'm not sure if they would censor our internet access in the New South. But they probably would.