(Source: FakeOnion.com)
Mr. Cy Berstocker thinks he has uncovered something quite alarming about the world in which we live. After suffering through a two-hour-plus period of a workday during which none of his friends played a single move in Words With Friends, the Alabama man began to wonder what was happening.
"I've got forty-seven games of Words With Friends currently in progress," Berstocker confessed as he showed off his sparkling career 25.1 points-per-word average. "Now, I could see twelve or fifteen of these people having plans or just getting sick of playing, and losing. Maybe even twenty or thirty. But every single one? It didn't seem likely."
That's when Berstocker began reading the premillennial book series, Left Behind.
"I'd always heard of the rapture, and I figured this might be it. I remember those books being out so I picked one up and started reading. Well, I probably don't have to tell you, it was pretty boring. So I only got to page four. That's when I decided something even more disturbing might be going on."
His hypothesis? People at work, were actually working!
"I know it seems unlikely, but that's all I can come up with. Look at this. Normally, by this time of day my battery power is down to twenty or thirty percent. Today? Seventy-eight percent. Meanwhile, I've been nudging people left and right, like an extroverted goat. It's like a Twilight Zone where the protagonist wakes up and goes to work. He's still goofing off, but suddenly everyone else is doing actual work. It's freaking me out, man."
For now, Berstocker mostly sits and stares at his iPhone, pondering things like whether he has enough chip clips for all his potato chips, and maybe someday interacting with another human face-to-face.
Pulling down and releasing the screen every few seconds to refresh.
Hoping, praying, for any sign of life.
"Now I'm looking to the sky to save me / Looking for a sign of life / Looking for something to help me burn out bright..."
Mr. Cy Berstocker thinks he has uncovered something quite alarming about the world in which we live. After suffering through a two-hour-plus period of a workday during which none of his friends played a single move in Words With Friends, the Alabama man began to wonder what was happening.
"I've got forty-seven games of Words With Friends currently in progress," Berstocker confessed as he showed off his sparkling career 25.1 points-per-word average. "Now, I could see twelve or fifteen of these people having plans or just getting sick of playing, and losing. Maybe even twenty or thirty. But every single one? It didn't seem likely."
That's when Berstocker began reading the premillennial book series, Left Behind.
"I'd always heard of the rapture, and I figured this might be it. I remember those books being out so I picked one up and started reading. Well, I probably don't have to tell you, it was pretty boring. So I only got to page four. That's when I decided something even more disturbing might be going on."
His hypothesis? People at work, were actually working!
"I know it seems unlikely, but that's all I can come up with. Look at this. Normally, by this time of day my battery power is down to twenty or thirty percent. Today? Seventy-eight percent. Meanwhile, I've been nudging people left and right, like an extroverted goat. It's like a Twilight Zone where the protagonist wakes up and goes to work. He's still goofing off, but suddenly everyone else is doing actual work. It's freaking me out, man."
For now, Berstocker mostly sits and stares at his iPhone, pondering things like whether he has enough chip clips for all his potato chips, and maybe someday interacting with another human face-to-face.
Pulling down and releasing the screen every few seconds to refresh.
Hoping, praying, for any sign of life.
"Now I'm looking to the sky to save me / Looking for a sign of life / Looking for something to help me burn out bright..."
Whaaaaatt????
ReplyDeleteHaha It's the losing!!! You're relentless with your slaughtering s mr c.b. no one is at work working! Theyre Just working on finding new opponents who've never heard of quoph! 🙉
ReplyDeleteBe thankful that Mr. Cy Berstocker isn't addicted to Candy Crush!
ReplyDeleteSnort. I'll start a game with Cy.
ReplyDeleteMarkD ~ I'm Cy. He is me.
ReplyDeleteLucy ~ I think you mean qoph. And stop giving away my secrets :-)
Xinher ~ Ugh, I get those requests all the time on Facebook. I mean, Cy does.
Hilary ~ Yes! Snorting is always appreciated here.
I chuckled throughout! :D
ReplyDeleteI played Words With Friends for awhile a couple years ago, but then it kind of fizzled out. Everyone seems to be playing Candy Crush these days, but I've resisted the urge so far!
I was actually in bed- sick. But I caught up!
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure the only thing "fake" about this "article" is the name you gave yourself ... like THAT fooled anyone!
ReplyDelete(And thanks, Lucy. I've pretty much stopped playing him. He's brutal!)
I knew he was you. What a life! As TC said in other words--totally true!
ReplyDeleteI'm with TC and Pia, Bone! Great story, thanks for the smiles. By the way, I'm impressed you stopped at page 4, I read that whole book hoping to read about the pilot and flight attendant who were left behind, shacked up...
ReplyDeleteWorking in a school - and therefore having my phone in my locker and being very 'on' all day - it constantly amazes me how much time my office-based friends spend online. Of course, once I get home and sit at my desk to write, it all becomes clear!
ReplyDeleteAnd also, cultural education required: what's a chip clip?
What a fun story!
ReplyDeleteplayed Words With Friends a few times with my daughter some time back and haven't played since. and like the others here have said Candy Crush is the game of the times. haven't played that one myself though. have you considered gaming anonymous for all your gaming addictions, lol? hope all is well. have a great night~
ReplyDeleteYou totally tap into one of my secret lives here: when WwF pals haven't played words in a couple of days, I imagine projects due at work, sick children, marriages in trouble, broken arms,
ReplyDeleteand so on. It's alarming not to have words played, indeed!
You totally tap into one of my secret lives here: when WwF pals haven't played words in a couple of days, I imagine projects due at work, sick children, marriages in trouble, broken arms,
ReplyDeleteand so on. It's alarming not to have words played, indeed!
I just like it when you 'nudge' me so I play hard to get for that purpose. :-)
ReplyDeleteSherri B ~ I love chuckles. Also, "chuckle" would be a good bingo. I have one "friend" who has invited me to play Candy Crush at least thirty-eleven times.
ReplyDeleteCami ~ I'm sure the thought of getting better and being able to play your WWF moves is probably what pulled you through your illness.
TC ~ Actually, that's NOT the only fake thing. FakeOnion.com isn't a real website. Although maybe I should register it?
Pia ~ Yes, I do have quite the life. Sometimes I don't know how I fill twenty-four hours a day.
Sage ~ Thanks, Sage. I assume you were disappointed by the ending?
J Adamthwaite ~ The chip clip: http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/store/product/the-original-chip-clips-set-of-10/1013048320
Madeleine ~ Thanks!
Naquillity ~ Ha! I hadn't thought about Gaming Anonymous. I am a bit surprised some of my friends haven't yet staged an intervention, however.
Jocelyn ~ No Words With Friends moves = A marriage in trouble. Of course! How did I not make that connection before?
Murf ~ I had no idea. I was actually trying to limit my nudges because I was afraid I might annoy you. (Me? Annoy someone? I know, right?)