I went to Facebook to change my relationship status--you remember, my self-fulfilling prophecy thing.
Well... I couldn't do it.
Oh, it all started out well enough. I was sitting there trying to decide between their six available relationship options. You know the ones--single, in a relationship, she's complicated, etc. Then I got scared that all my Facebook friends would get a notification that I was now in a relationship. I seemed to remember seeing someone else's relationship status change pop up on my page one time.
From there, I started thinking of all the questions people would have about my new love. And then about how I would have to explain that I wasn't really in a relationship, that this was just a sociological experiment. Before long, I had over-analyzed myself out of the whole thing.
So apparently, I can't even commit to a fake Facebook relationship.
Never fear, however, for today turned out to be a harbinger of good news that perhaps this relationship recession is beginning to turn around. I am proud to announce that as of this morning--9:30ish--I officially have my very own safety.
Here's how it happened:
Bone: do you wanna be my backup or safety
Katie: uh
i thought you had a backup
Bone: maybe
but i can't remember
Katie: i already have one
Bone: ok you can be my safety
that's below backup
which means you'll likely never be needed
Katie: or so you hope
Bone: lol
do you accept
Katie: uh, sure
Bone: YES!
Katie: i reserve the right to redact this at a later date
I was so convincing! Reading it now, it doesn't even seem like it was me doing the typing. It feels like somebody else saying those things, or like I was channeling Dwight Schrute.
So now I have a safety. Next, I need to find a backup. And after that, well I haven't thought that far ahead yet.
"We can dance if we want to. We can leave your friends behind. 'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance, well they're no friends of mine..."
Congratulations on getting your safety. Do you have some candidates for the backup yet?
ReplyDeleteDD had to ask someone to be her mentor for confirmation class. Her first choice couldn't do it so we had to go with the backup. Turns out that two other girls asked this same person to be their mentor too, so instead of a one-on-one they have a 3vs1 situation, which really makes it more like going to her regular class, but if it's okay with the pastor...it's okay by me. LOL!
and yeah, I didn't get the notification that you had a safety on Facebook...is that a relationship choice?
Bone, put down that you're in a relationship and then post that old blog piece you did about your new love, you know, the one that so slender and fragile and would whisper all kinds of sweet things into your ear... Remember her?
ReplyDeleteYour ipod?
Were facebook smart enough, they would know that there are more relationship options than "in a relationship" and "single".
ReplyDeleteI mean, maybe I'm just crushing on someone. Or just having a little booty call. Stupid facebook.
1. After you update your relationship and it appears on your main profile page/Wall, you can choose to delete the "story". I just tried it and it seemed to work. This should remove it from your friends updates. If not, Sage now knows that I went from "married" to "in an open relationship" and will probably make a comment about it. ;-)
ReplyDelete2. I finally came out of the closet in Facebook last night. I renamed myself to include my maiden name. I'm still not sure if this was a good idea or not because there was safety in the anonymity that is my new alias. I feel so exposed. I thought coming out of the closet was suppose to cathartic.
By the way, the iPod one that Sage is referring to was a classic. I remember that one. That was back in the days when I was just a voyeur here.
ReplyDeletePlease don't teach these back up or safety plans to your godson. I don't want him to think that just because he's going to be the cutest kid in his class that he can have backups. HA!
ReplyDeleteIt's always hard to change your relationship status on Facebook. especially when it's a sociological experiment
ReplyDeleteRenee - Thanks. It's a big day for me. Yeah, I have a few in mind. It's just a matter of narrowing it down.
ReplyDeleteWell, just as long as her mentor isn't a Costanza.
No! There's no safety/backup option for Facebook. You're on there all the time. Can't you get something done about that? :)
Sage - That's a good idea. So when they ask about my relationship, I can just give them that story. Why didn't I think of that! I must be slipping in my old age here.
Cami - Yeah, they definitely need to add crush on there. I guess the booty call could fall under "it's complicated." Then again, it's all complicated.
Murf - Well then, I shall be anxiously waiting to see if Sage has a comment about that. I think open relationship is definitely the most fun option Facebook offers.
And I had no idea you were a voyeur! Wonder who else is out there looking.
Mrs. R - What? There's nothing wrong with having a backup and a safety. All he needs to worry about is making sure his backup isn't also a backup for three other people.
Pia - So I'm learning. After this, changing it in real life should be a breeze.
Um...Bone? Forget what I said about deleting your story and it not appearing. My testing of that theory was caught by a high school friend. :-)
ReplyDeleteOkay Bone just go for it and put in a relationship. See what happens. My husband is convinced that women can tell when a man is "taken" then he becomes desirable. He has this belief from his own experience. Hey it's worth a try. The safety might help but a back up would be better.
ReplyDeleteBack-up? Safety? Is this Facebook lingo? Because, honestly, I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't have a Facebook, so that might be why. And YES, shave your head if you feel so inclined. I have (okay, not shaved, but buzzed). I don't have a properly shaped head for it (honestly, it's a really an aesthetic issue, one MUST have a properly shaped head -- if it doesn't look like Chris Daughtry, you're screwed).
ReplyDeleteum. booty calls are NOT complicated. that's the point.
ReplyDeleteWhy do I have to read your blogs to get a damned update on your weird ideas???
ReplyDeleteYou are a sly fox for sure Mr Bone. I promise I won't send out massive emails to announce your deception to the nation.
ReplyDeleteYou're in luck. On Facebook, mouse over the word Settings on the menu bar at the top and click on Privacy Settings. Click on News Feed and Wall. UNcheck the Change Relationship Status checkbox and click Save Changes. Then live dangerously and go change your relationship status to whatever makes you happy. :)
ReplyDeleteMurf - Hahaha. So glad I waited.
ReplyDeletePennyCandy - Oh, there's no doubt about that. As soon as you start seeing someone, they come out of the woodwork.
Sean P. - Well, I was thinking Phil Dalhausser. So I guess it's just a trial and error thing on the head shape.
Actonbell - Eh, I'm not sure googling would help. I'm not even sure how popular the terms are or where I first heard them. But your back-up is the person you marry if neither of you are married to anyone else by a certain point. And your safety is the person you marry if your back-up marries someone else.
Cami - Oh sure, not at first. But inevitably one person starts wanting more.
Blondie - Because that's the way the world works. And because you love to read my blog :)
Cooper - Hmm, just the fact that you've promised not to makes me suspicious that you've even thought of it :)
R8chel - Really? This really works? I need someone to try this and see first.
Actually though, if no one sees my relationship status change, does it do any good? Hmmm. It's that whole tree falling in the woods thing.
Maybe you are looking in the wrong country!
ReplyDelete*grin*
My best friend, the anti Facebook person who accidentally joined (sure) changed her relationship status to "complicated" Within half hour she got ten emails and a text from her daughter
ReplyDeleteIt was hilarious
Oh Bone, I hate to be the one to bring this up (especially with 19 people commenting before me!), but I noticed a typo on your post and I know how you feel about typos:
ReplyDeleteYou know the ones--single, in a relationship, she's complicated, etc.
I'm sure you meant for that to say "he's complicated." That extraneous 's' before 'he' can be taken out, and then it will all make perfect sense :)
Now, no need to thank me: I'm always happy to help! O:)
Complicated, indeed! This whole thing is making "married" sound pretty good!
ReplyDeleteRachel is correct about setting the relationship status where it will not show up in the News Feed....so now are you going to commit?
ReplyDeletep.s. I like your Gin Blossoms quote....I just quoted that to someone the other day as I was explaining why desires and hopes are much more appropriate than expectations when it comes to relationships.
if you need a backup bone, i will help u....but what exactly is a backup?
ReplyDeletehaha
My backup got married last year.
ReplyDeleteI once changed my facebook status from 'SINGLE' to 'nothing'. People thought I'd started dating. I switched it to 'MARRIED'. Oh, a flood of calls and emails came congratulating me. Now it's back to 'nothing' and life is much easier. Congrats on the Safety.
this is so funny, it really is. I know it's quasi "serious", but it's the quasi that makes it funny. Irony on sarcasm on a live subject ever evolving - the best.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I think a safety is better than a back up. You get 2 points for a safety. You get nothing for a back up.
ReplyDeleteI really have nothing to add other than kudos on the title and no our wedding will not have an 80's theme.
ReplyDeleteSorry.
I'll confess...I had no idea what a 'backup' was till I read through your comments and figured it out. This old lady is not up with the current lingo...lol. :P
ReplyDeleteBone, I bet you have the ladies lining up to be your backup...you're just being modest. :~)
Gautami - Thanks. That made me smile :)
ReplyDeletePia - Oh right, I accidentally joined, too. Did I not mention that?
TC - Oh man, my heart sank for a second there. I thought I really did have a typo. Don't scare me like that.
Mama Zen - And there's yet another unintended benefit of reading my blog.
Ally - I should try it. I could always change it back, right. Ugh, I'm too indecisive.
PS: I like that you noticed and recognized my quote :) And I really like how you put that: desires and hopes instead of expectations.
Lucy - I'll have to double check the rule book, but I think your marital status might preclude you from being eligible :)
Charlotta - Oh, it's always tough when your backup gets married. So did you find a replacement backup or just decide to go backupless?
Thanks. It was a big moment for me, obviously.
Shelby - Yep! You totally "got" it :) Thank you.
Murf - I'm not sure whether to be amused or frightened, but I almost put in this paragraph relating a safety in football to a safety in relationships.
Yes, two points PLUS you get the ball back.
Katie (aka My Safety) - It could have a toga theme for all I care. As long as we have some hair band music at the reception.
Fledgling Poet - Bone, I bet you have the ladies lining up to be your backup...you're just being modest. :~)
LOL I know! You would think so, right? :)
true. that's why you gotta nip that kinda nonsense in the bud. no reason for people to get all sad. boo that.
ReplyDeleteOne time Sister #1 said she was engaged on Facebook. She just posted it for an hour to see what would happen. Three family members commented on her facebook. My mom was mad because she was gonna have to explain to everyone that neither of her loser daughters are engaged or even dating anyone.
ReplyDelete