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Saturday, May 26, 2007

How I Roll: All that's gold doesn't glitter

(This is part three in a series.)

After driving a 1984 Ford Escort with louvers, one might think that, vehicle-wise, there was nowhere to go but up.

One would be wrong.

Enter the gold 1985 Chevy Cavalier. Yes, I said gold.

To this day, why anyone would purchase a gold vehicle eludes me. The only possible reason I've ever been given is that gold cars don't show dirt as much.

I've seen a lot of car commercials in my time. They talk about horsepower and miles per gallon, and safety ratings, and towing capacity. I don't ever recall a single commercial including the line "it also comes in gold, which doesn't show dirt."

I mean, do we really want to start basing our buying decisions in this country on this principle? If that's the case, why not have women wear rust-colored wedding dresses? But I digress.

So there I am, age seventeen, cruising around in a gold, four-door 1985 Cavalier. Oh yes, it was a four-door. Convenient when you're starting a family. Not so much when you're a senior in high school and trying to get girls to date you.

There are places in this world--Luxembourg, the highlands of Iceland, and some tribes in Malaysia, to name a few--where if you send your child to school driving a four-door gold-colored car, they will arrest you and take your children away. And that's how it should be everywhere. No amount of therapy can ever erase those scars.

The Cavalier was my second and final hand-me-down. As a general rule, if anyone gives you a car, it's probably not going to be a top of the line high-performance vehicle. That's why in the classifieds, you'll see ads for things like a 1976 Vega that doesn't run for $200. People are still trying to get something for it.

Still, I had high hopes at first. The Cavalier had been my Mom's car, so I figured it had to be better than what I'd been driving.

It was not loaded. As a matter of fact, I would say it was the opposite of loaded, whatever that would be called. Manual locks, manual windows, no cruise control, no cassette player, etc.

It was also a four-cylinder, or at least at some point during its existence had been. By the time I finished driving it, I think it was closer to two-and-a-half or three cylinders.

I got my first taste of the Cavalier's power, or lack thereof, just a couple of weeks after I began driving it. After a party one night, two girls who had left about the same time as me, pulled up beside me as if they wanted to race. So I floored it.

We were even for a few seconds. Then the Cavalier topped out... at 78 miles per hour. There I was, pedal to the metal, watching two girls in my senior class leaving me behind. They slowed down and when we got to the next red light, they were laughing. I was not.

I continued to drive the Cavalier--but did not race it anymore--most of my freshman year in college, where I commuted about 50 minutes one way. One spring day on my way home from school, the car started smoking, and sputtering worse than normal. I stopped and called Dad from a payphone. He came and followed me home, slowly. And I did not drive the Cavalier much longer after that.

"I parked my car beside the highway and I didn't lock the doors. Left a note there with the keys. If it cranks, well friend, she's yours..."

19 comments:

  1. Try a dodge omni...yes my dad sent me to college over an hour away with a dodge omni that would barely run. Sold it and bummed off friends until I married and we drove a crappy escort before buying the money pit Oldsmobile Calais. Oh the life of the young and stupid.

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  2. You are not the first to succumb to the "color of dirt" logic. It does cut down on the need to wash the car...

    My "first" was an Oldsmobile Starfire, "shared" with my sister (my parents somehow thought it appropriate that their twin daughters share a car as a graduation gift, not thinking ahead to what would happen if we someday parted ways, which we did a year later when I hated the college she'd chosen for us and my parents had coerced me into attending). I happily "sacrificed" and left her with the car when I moved to Berkeley. I didn't learn my lesson... the next was an Oldsmobile Omega, an old muscle car that had gone to flab. It spent most of its time backfiring. I hate to think how many times the neighbors must have called the cops to report gunfire in the neighborhood. Those were the days, when I was young, poor and stupid. Not.

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  3. Well you know all of my car stories.

    Today I saw a gold Explorer...it looked fairly new and it looked nice too. I don't know about it showing dirt or not. I think I would still rather have purple.

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  4. The car used in my driver's ed classes in high school? A 1988 gold chevy cavalier.
    So, I too have driven around in a gold cavalier.

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  5. when I was in high school, my dad when through his mid-life crisis with a yellow then a red car--they both had power, but I always felt a little strange, like my dad should be driving something more conservative, like the white Fairlane that I got to drive... Great story Bone

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  6. This post explains a lot about you!

    Love this paragraph:
    There are places in this world--Luxembourg, the highlands of Iceland, and some tribes in Malaysia, to name a few--where if you send your child to school driving a four-door gold-colored car, they will arrest you and take your children away. And that's how it should be everywhere. No amount of therapy can ever erase those scars.

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  7. Then the Cavalier topped out... at 78 miles per hour. There I was, petal to the metal, watching two girls in my senior class leaving me behind. They slowed down and when we got to the next red light, they were laughing. I was not.

    I'm sorry... but I laughed so hard at this it's not even funny :) I remember racing a guy I used to work with up a series of hills in high school... and him having problems with the car immediately afterward. Problems, to the point of him not being sure he could get the car started later that night. And yes, I beat him. I never really thought about what a blow to the ego that must have been for him, lol. Uff da.

    I also laughed really hard at the paragraph Pia mentioned... someday maybe you'll tell us all where you get your ideas from. Then again, maybe it wouldn't be nearly as good if we had a clue ;)

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  8. I loved the paragraph TC picked out also:
    petal to the metal

    Only you Bone, only you

    The petal to the metal would make a great refrain to a summer song classic

    Not just a suggestion :)

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  9. Wait, so basically you struck out with the girls and blamed the car??? lol I bet they dated ya despite the gold car! lmao

    I once dated a guy who told me he'd pick me up in his convertible(I was a freshman at the UofD and had no car)... well it turned out to be one of those HUGE old convertibles (and NOT refurbished) I dont remember if I went out with him again.. ok I do... I didnt!

    Nothing to do with the car. Lets just say that the thing I liked the most about him was his name. Nathan Richard Perry III. I still remember it.

    Perhaps I will Google him (lmao 20 years later he is probably still driving that tank and its probably actually worth something now!

    I think this might have been TMI! sorry! hehehe

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  10. Kontan: LOL I had a friend in high school with a Calais. His parents bought it for him new. But I'd never even heard of a Calais before. Or since.

    Gay: my parents somehow thought it appropriate that their twin daughters share a car as a graduation gift

    Awww. Hmm, "sacrificed" huh? Everyone should have to drive at least one car in their lifetime that regularly backfires. You're missing out if you don't :)

    Renee: Yeah, it seems gold SUV's are fairly common. Still, for a teenager, a gold four-door? Um, no.

    Xinher: Haha. That warms my heart.

    Sage: It's a little disconcerting when parents act like teenagers. But what can you do :)

    Pia: This post explains a lot about you!

    You mean like, why I'm single? :)

    Oh, and I'll get right to work on that song.

    TC: Yes, it was quite the blow to the ego. But at least I learned early not to worry about racing anyone in that car again.

    Kate: Haha. Actually, one of the girls was the algebra teacher's daughter which I'd dated when I had the Escort.

    Oh, and it's "classic"... not "old" :)

    Lets just say that the thing I liked the most about him was his name.

    That's funny :)

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  11. oh my ok so I am so glad that I took the time to read this today!!! What a laugh! That was great! I totally understand the hand-me-downs! I loved the song at the end!! ROFL! I never understood the love for the gold either...

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  12. starting my sophmore year i had to drive my mom's GOLD, 4 door, dodge aries K... YES a REAL , barenaked ladies imortalized about in song K-car.... it would start, sometimes... i had to drive with BOTH feet, and it wasn't standard... if you took your foot off the gas it stalled - sometimes it stalled anyway... the worst was the day i was walking out the door and mom called out: if you get pulled over because of the inspection sticker, tell the cop we are waiting on a part - needless to say, i got pulled over, 2 blocks from school beacause of the inspection sticker, and EVERY COOL KID in a sweet ride saw me.....

    senior year, i was able to move up to a car that actually ran... dad's k-car... a white grocery getter....yes, a station wagon.... the up side is that it had a kickin' system AND it was a standard - so between the 2 i actually earned some cool points w/ the guys....

    2&1/2 years too late

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  13. Datsun 510. Four door. Faded pee yellow paint. Puke green vinyl interior. A stereo system so tinny that only dogs could hear it at high volumes. Stick shift.

    And my car still would have beaten yours off the line.

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  14. My first ballgame http://lillyput.blogspot.com/2007/05/take-me-out-to-ballgame.html

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  15. My parents didn't give me a car, I bought my first car myself (it was a Toyota, 1980 I think).

    And my parents have a gold 1998 Ford Expedition that looks clean as can be but if you wipe your hand aross it you'll end up with a layer of muck on your hand.

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  16. Bone: Search my blog for Middle Name...it's on there.

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  17. ATag: Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

    QuestionGirl: i had to drive with BOTH feet, and it wasn't standard... if you took your foot off the gas it stalled

    Haha. That kinda reminds me of my Monte Carlo. Wow, the grocery carrier was a standard? I can't see shifting gears in a station wagon.

    Brookelina: Ooo, a Datsun. Why'd they ever quit making those? Oh, I soo would have raced you!

    GirlFPS: My first car was a 1980, too. I gladly accepted my two hand-me-downs, but neither of them lasted very long.

    Renee: Ah, OK. Found it. So I see someone guessed it already.

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  18. I had a 1980's something Cavalier too. It was the one with rust through the bottom so if I went through a puddle I had to lift my feet to keep from getting wet. Ah, memories...

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  19. Lass: Ah, yes I remember you posting about that one. I had two vehicles that occasionally leaked. But I haven't gotten to those yet :)

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