Third latte discourse

This post is dedicated to Lizzie, everyone's favorite Starbucks-loving-cute-glasses-wearing-bloggette.

Jerry: "Hey, hey, hey! Slow down, Eddie. What what's the matter?"
Kramer: "Oh, they're making faces at me cause I've had a couple of cafe lattes. But I'm entitled to them. I can have as many cafe lattes as I want, that was the settlement."
Jerry: "That's it?"
Kramer: "That's it. You want one George? Cos I can get one for you. No problem. Jerry, you want one? They're delicious. My pleasure."
Jerry: "You've got to stop it. You're all hopped up on the caffeine."
Kramer: "Well, I feel like I'm talking a little fast but it's very hard to tell."

So, I had my first cafe latte Tuesday. And I had my third one today. I've never been a coffee drinker. Well, there was a short time when I was a teenager than I started drinking coffee, but that only lasted for a few weeks. And I tried some kind of caramel-cappuccino-something-or-other a couple of years ago, but didn't care for it.

Well, recently, I stopped by a local coffee shop on a Saturday morning, because I got word there was a cute blonde who worked there. There is. I just got coffee. And then it turned out to be help yourself. There were four kinds, and I had no idea which to pick. Then I had no idea how to work the dispenser. I was squeezing two buttons on the side of it to no avail, when I finally realized there was a lever on top. Whew. That would have been embarrassing. "Um, excuse me, Miss. Could you show me how to make the coffee come out?" That would have to be among the great come on lines of all time.

So Tuesday, I decided to stop by to see her again on my way to work. After all, there's nothing like a beautiful woman to make a man try a latte. (You may replace "try a latte" with... well... pretty much anything there.) Naturally, she wasn't working. Instead, it was some cheery guy who reminded me a lot of Gunther. So since I never actually figured out how to get the lever to stay down on the coffee thing Saturday, I decided I'd order a latte, which they would have to make. This after consulting a friend who determined I would probably prefer a latte to a cappuccino. She was right. It was delicious. After I added some sugar.

Look, I just wanted to get in on this coffee shop craze live everybody else. I'm tired of being the last one to assimilate to everything. I don't have an iPod. No Tivo. No DVR. And I didn't throw away all my tapered leg jeans until like three years ago. And by throw away, I mean, quit wearing. In public.

One concern I do have, however, is possibly looking back one day and wishing I had never started. I wonder if this could be like wanting to shave when I was little. And using Dad's shaving cream and razor because I wanted to be grown up. Then, it was fun. Now, I hate shaving. Every single day. It's so tedious and time-consuming. (Note to self: Never do a google image search for "shaving" again at work. Yikes!)

So what if I become addicted to the caffeine? And can't stop? (I guess that would be what addicted means.) And what about all the side effects that could arise from excessive caffeine intake. Copious urination? What the #&!@ is that? I definitely don't want to mess up anything in that area of my life.

But what if I'm already addicted? I've had three lattes in three days. Gunther has been working each morning. However, this morning, the ratio of female to male customers was 4:1. (With the one being me, for you Auburn fans out there.) You know what that means.

Let's recap:
3D/Gunther + 4F/1M = another latte for me tomorrow (where Gunther is undefined)

All this on top of the fact that Lesley Lu started convulsing at the end of General Hospital yesterday. I don't know how much more I can take. I think maybe I just need another latte.

"You scream and you holla 'bout my Chevy Impala. But the sweat is gettin' wet around the ring around your collar..."