Thank you. No, thank you.

As a bachelor, I have been told that I get a "free pass," so to speak, on certain rules of etiquette and other things. Things like, "No one expects all your serving bowls to match." Or "They don't expect you to get a gift for their new baby." Or "You're a guy. It's OK if you don't have a single thing hanging on your walls."

While I readily admit I don't know half of the Dear-Abby-Heloise-Miss-Manners rules of life, I do make an attempt. I send out Christmas cards each year. Do (nearly) all of my own shopping for gifts. And I almost always get a wedding gift when I get an invitation in the mail. However, some bits of etiquette and politeness I just do not understand. To wit...

I have received two thank you cards in the mail from people, both female, with whom I exchanged Christmas gifts this year.

I don't get it.

Thank you cards are fine for graduation gifts, wedding gifts. Or I suppose anytime someone gets you something and you don't get them anything. But we exchanged gifts. My gift to them was my thank you for their gift. And vice versa. We're even.

Except not now.

Now I owe them a thank you card?

And what's next, a "you're welcome" card? And then a "please, it was my pleasure" card? Or what about a "thank you for your thank you card" card? When does it end? I think the entire thank you card industry has gotten out of hand.

And then I started wondering if there might be someone out there that I offended by not sending a thank you card? Probably. Somewhere there's probably two people who haven't talked in years simply because one did not get a thank you card from the other. You think?

I'm sorry. It's just too much.
So I think I'm going to take my bachelor free pass on this one.
Do not go to Hallmark.
Do not spend two dollars.

The title of this post reminded me of an episode of Married... With Children. I think it's the one where Al moves the family into the supermarket. He's walking behind some hottie, taking items off the shelf, and dropping them behind her so she'll have to bend over and pick them up:

Al: "Oh Miss. I think you dropped your corn."
Scantily clad babe: "Oops! Thank you."
Al: "Thank you."
Al: "Oh Miss. You dropped your flea fogger."
Babe: "Oops. Thanks again."
Al: "No. Thank you."
Al: "Bud, here's something men do. Quick, get me something... Excuse me, Miss. You dropped your... uhh... eggs."

"Mister Jones and me, tell each other fairy tales. We stare at the beautiful women. She's lookin' at you. Naw, naw, she's lookin' at me..."