The Sparrow Incident

As I was lying in bed last night, watching Craig Ferguson interview Ludacris, which in itself was a little odd, it just hit me that tomorrow is my Dad's birthday. And my sister's first wedding anniversary is Sunday. You gah suh shopping to do, Lucy. Oh wait, there is no Lucy. I guess I have some shopping to do. What do you get for a first wedding anniversary? Paper? Or is that just what the couple gets each other? Ahh, I need a woman.

A seemingly endless supply of Foxworthy material
Spotted on a white, full-size '98 Chevy pickup last week. In the upper left corner of the back window, an "8" sticker. In the upper right corner, a picture of a deer head. In the lower left corner, a "W" sticker. And on the vanity plate? GTERDUN.

That's it, sparrows. We have NO DEAL!
This pseudo-tragedy occurred on my way home from work yesterday. The largest part of my commute is two-lane. During one particularly long, straight stretch (where I normally like to pass many cars, but that is neither here nor there), I spotted a little bird in the distance right in the middle of my lane. Now, let me insert here, that while I am not in PETA, I do consider myself somewhat of a conservationist. I enjoy nature... deer, mallards, etc. And I would never harm a little birdie.

So, back to my story. As I drew closer, I figured the bird would eventually fly away and out of danger. But no, as the gap between my vehicle and the ornithological creature closed, he/she did not seem to even be cognizant of me. What should I do? Should I swerve? Don't they say never to do that? Don't we have a deal with the sparrows? They move out of the way of our vehicles, we overlook the droppings on our cars. Maybe this is a deaf bird? You can't hit a deaf bird, Bone. Maybe it's just had a really bad day and it wants to be hit, ending it's miserable fly-by-day life. There's nothing coming. I could swerve into the other lane. All these thoughts were racing thru my head. And by that time, it was too late. I was going to hit it. I just knew the fragile creature would take flight just in time to get plastered across my grill. An afternoon of picking sparrow feathers out of my radiator was not what I had planned. And then, at the very last instant, I realized... what I had thought was a bird turned out to be a piece of a tire. Ahh. Silly Bone. I laughed at myself inside. Then I thought as I continued on my way, I will have to blog about this.

Nocturnal Phantasm 705A
I dreamed I got a phone call from an ex-girlfriend who I have not heard from in awhile, and who I still care deeply for. (Oh, don't worry, I care about you all.) She started off asking what I would say if she wanted to get back together. Then, her voice began sounding troubled, bordering on panicky. I asked how things had been going. I said I heard she was engaged. She said she had been, but that he was fat and bald, and she ended it. I can't remember much more of the conversation, but I could tell things were not right. I asked what was going on. As her voice broke, she said she had been listening to a fortune teller. In my mind, I equated this to a psychic. They were controlling her every move. She said she had to go, and told me to call her. Something was said which led me to believe someone was coming to take her away, like she was crazy or something. But I knew she wasn't. We got off the phone, and I was very troubled myself. I knew I had to help her, but I didn't have her number to call her. I laid there with a most awful feeling in my stomach, not knowing what to do.

"Come out Virginia, don't let me wait. You Catholic girls start much too late..."