Two of my favorites

So, I posted almost the exact same thing last year on this date. So what.

Michelle Pfeiffer is 47 today. She is the best. Did you know... both she and I worked at a supermarket earlier in our careers? Of course, from that point, our lives took vastly different paths. But oh well, if circumstances had been different, if I had been a little older, wiser, who knows? I may have taken that promotion to meat cutter all those years ago.

And Jerry Seinfeld is 51 today. I don't have to tell you how much we have in common. Or how little. Whichever. We both obviously enjoy the challenge of remaining single as long as humanly possible while still being able to attract a somewhat attractive female.

I'll leave you with Jerry's monologue on birthdays from The Visa:

"Birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be. That for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end, inevitably, irrevocably. Happy birthday? No such thing."

Your Taste In Music?

I luh th' 80's! But then, we already knew that, didn't we? We need a taste in women quiz.

Your Taste in Music:

80's Pop: Highest Influence

80's Rock: High Influence

80's Alternative: Medium Influence

80's R&B: Medium Influence

90's Pop: Medium Influence

90's Rock: Medium Influence

Adult Alternative: Medium Influence

Country: Medium Influence

Hair Bands: Medium Influence

90's Alternative: Low Influence

90's Hip Hop: Low Influence

90's R&B: Low Influence

Classic Rock: Low Influence

Old School Hip Hop: Low Influence

R&B: Low Influence

How's Your Taste in Music?

"You know how you said happiness can't be found looking back? If you don't mind, maybe we can talk a little more about that..."

And then there were five...

If ever I was going to curse in a blog entry, it would have been this one. That's one reason I have waited three hours to blog. I really shouldn't get this wrapped up in a TV show, but I can't help it. Repeat after me: Scott Savol is among the five remaining finalists for American Idol.

Once you come to terms with that (it's been several hours and I'm still not there), then you can try and digest this: Scott wasn't even amongst the bottom three! Constantine is gone. Granted, he was pretty bad this week, but overall, I thought he was still one of the best two or three remaining. With apologies to one of my favorite rappers, that was absolutely ludicrous, a total joke. I know this has always been partly a popularity contest, but they've completely made a mockery of it now. They should really change the voting for just one round to where you vote for who you think should be eliminated. Scott would be gone faster than he could shove down a girlfriend.

OK, sorry for being so wound up, but trust me, it was much worse three hours ago.

In good news, we finally got high-speed at work!! Woohoo! It's almost like being at home, 'cept I can't really walk around in my underwear.

And, I got a cool Star Wars light saber plastic spoon in my box of Frosted Flakes today! "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope." I'm on my way, Princess!

"Some things in this world, man, they don't make sense. Some things you don't need until they leave you, then they're things that you miss..."

AI: Super Six

Good late evening, friends and neighbors. I realize I have not posted all day today, but I just figured I would wait and do my American Idol rankings for the evening. Before I begin, here are a couple of helpful cooking tips to your house from ours (Ours=Bone & Rachel Ray):
- When the recipe says "serves 12", that's something you should probably make note of, especially if you're only cooking for two. Do some fractions or something.
- If a recipe calls for peeled shrimp, buy shrimp that's ALREADY PEELED!!!
- Rice is actually quite sticky, especially after it sits in a pan for an hour or so.

Now, on with my rankings. Tonight's theme was songs from 2000-present. Not a whole lot to choose from there, and as usual, I had never heard of a couple of the songs. Paula was greatly subdued tonight, almost as if she was in a Ritalin-induced semi-coma.

1. Bo - It wasn't even close tonight. Bo was far and away the best of the evening. He was rocking! He's back in his comfort-zone, picked a perfect song for his voice, and was smooth throughout.

2. Vonzell - Seemed like she picked a very hard song to sing. She hit a couple of flat notes early, but overall I thought it was a good performance. She may be the most consistent performer overall since I started watching. Maybe not the best, but the most consistent week-to-week.

3. Carrie - Well, at least she looked much better tonight, and I think she got the words right for once, even though I'm not that familiar with the song. I've heard it a few times. Still, it was just OK to me. Besides, how many Martina McBride songs should one person be allowed to sing?! She apparently has one of the largest fan bases, else she would've been in the bottom three a couple of times in recent weeks.

4. Anthony - I almost ranked him #3. But that's more of a reflection on the lack of quality performances than on him. I had never heard this song, even though I used to have a Celine Dion CD, until someone borrowed it and never returned it. But that's another blog entry for another time. Why would a guy choose to sing a Celine Dion song anyway? He sang well enough again. I just can't let go of all those weeks of horrible performances, plus he does the exact same move every frickin' week where he swings his arm out to the side in sort of a sweeping ta-daa motion.

5. Constantine - You know what it seemed like to me? It seemed like he had seen Bo's performance, and he went out and tried to out-rock Bo. I thought he was trying way too hard, over-performing, and just generally overdoing everything. He doesn't need to try to be a rocker. He just needs to be who he is.

6. Scott - Wow. That was terrible. I think he's getting worse. He can't sing. Period. It's completely laughable that he is in the top six.

Well, obviously, Scott SHOULD be gone. He should've been long gone by now. I could see Anthony leaving, too. I would be shocked if it was someone other than those two getting cut this week, but I've been shocked before, so who knows.

"Now why you gotta make it so hard on me? Hey, it's hard on me, yeah. And I'm sorry, but it's not a mistake. And I'm running, but you're getting away..."

Brace yourself

Well, thanks to this little gem, I'm back up and running again. I took a short run last night after church and it really helped my knee pain a lot. Our local 10K is May 21st, so hopefully I will be ready for that. Of course, now I am running with an ankle brace (from last fall's softball injury) and a knee brace on my left leg. All I need now is a walking cane, a pacemaker, and an orthopedic back pillow, and I'll be set. Maybe I'll win a senior's division age group trophy or something. "Look at me. I'm fallin' apart here."

The weekend was mostly uneventful. The weekly bowling, poker, pool group outing was cancelled because Jonathan had a date and someone else was out of town. Maybe next week. I'm itching to get down to the beach. Kyle had the idea to see if Lee and Roy were up for a trip. That would be a fun trip. And of course, if Roy could get the flux capacitor working, then we could spend an entire week at the beach, travel back in time, and not even have to take off work any. Oh, I did find the Fine Young Cannibals greatest hits CD at FYE Friday Night. So, that's one of the missing CD's from my collection, along with Milli Vanilli, Roxette, and Robert Palmer. I stopped by the used music store Saturday night, but they didn't have Milli Vanilli. Of course, who in their right mind would get rid of that CD? It's gold, Jerry! Gold!

It was a nice sports weekend. Watched some of the draft. Looks like my beloved Cowboys did pretty well, according to the so-called-experts anyway. And the NBA playoffs began. The Bulls are in the freakin' playoffs!! Not only that, they won yesterday! Can you believe that? I might become a fringe NBA fan again, just to watch Da Bulls.

Afterthought: OK, I know I'm probably too picky. Everyone says it. I admit it. I am very picky when it comes to girls. But, remember this wise old proverb: Picky is as picky does. Wait. No, that's not it. I just don't know how to be "not-picky", you know? I don't even like the word picky. What am I supposed to do, try and rehabilitate some street whore? Yeah, right. Besides, I've already tried that. What? I guess my theory is, I'll only be considered too picky until I find the right girl. Right?

"You don't wanna be me when it all goes wrong. You don't wanna see me with the house lights on. I'm a little too headstrong. Stand tall, I don't wanna get walked on..."

Seinfeld: Season 4

Seinfeld: Season 4 DVD's to be released May 17

Yes, Seinfeld fans, this is the season with the contest, the bubble boy, the nipple, the pick, Mulva, the Junior Mint, the cleavage peek, and the outing, just to name a few. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I'm so happy!! I'm so happy!! This would make a GREAT gift!

"Never been crazy 'bout tomorrow. Never been too big on change. I just like for things to be how they've always been. Just like for things to stay the same. Guess I just wanted hang on to today..."

randomasiwannabe

AI
I received a few hits in recent days from this site. My blog is occasionally listed in the links on the right side of the page. Kinda cool.

Speaking of American Idol, Paula has been making the headlines recently:
Former Idol Contestant Claims Affair With Abdul

Abdul Denies Drug Rumors

Wow, I guess I wasn't the only person who thought she was high. And finally, how in the name of Diana Degarmo is Scott Savol still on this show? The top six? Are you kidding me? He should have been gone four or five rounds ago, at least. What, is the mafia voting for him? (Just kidding, guys. Really.)

Fantasy baseball
Well, I should have named my rotisserie league team the Tom Pettys, because they're freeeeee fallin'. I sank from 6th to 10th (out of 12 teams) after yesterday. It's still early, so the standings are really volatile. Still, I feel the need to post a Steinbrenner-like message here for my team. Hey Larry Walker, my grandma could hit .217! (Chris Farley Show-esque): Hey, Mister Pujols, remember um, last year when uh, you hit um like .330? And, and, remember two years ago when um, you hit .350? That was great.(/end Farley) My starting pitching is killing me. It's killing me, Jerry! What in the name of Steve Bedrosian possessed me to pick Oliver Frickin' Perez? You'd have a better chance of gettin' guys out by putting a pitching machine on the mound.

Oh, and thanks to Tiffany for the heads up the other night on the Rob Thomas appearance on Leno. I would have completely missed that. I guess I might buy the album. Or wait for some chick to buy it for me. Hmm, yeah, that sounds better.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

"Now you're doin' all the things you swore you hated. All that you've become is a little more jaded. Yeah well it's alright, cos breakin' down is underrated..."

What kind of English do you speak?

(Heisted from Tiffany via Snidget.)

Your Linguistic Profile:

55% General American English

45% Dixie

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

0% Yankee

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

"We could be friends, and I promise that it won't get bad, but hopefully that story ends. But you ain't got nothing I never had, so let's take it slow..."

Know When To Hold 'Em

OK, it's time for today's sociological question: How long should you hold a door open for someone? That is, of course, assuming you hold the door at all.

First, let me give you the background for this question. This morning, I was coming out of the convenience store where I always go in the morning to get some breakfast on my way to work. As I opened the door, there was an older man, probably in his fifties, maybe sixties, approaching. I estimate that he was fifteen to twenty feet away when I opened the door, and by the time I let the door close, he was probably within seven to ten feet. So that leads to the question, should I have held the door for him?

I believe this is a situation which one encounters on an almost daily basis, but it is a situation for which there are no written rules, and it is not often discussed in an open forum. That's where I come in :-) Before we are able to give a reasonable answer or formulate our own personal door-holding policy, we must first look at several variables and circumstances which can affect how we should handle the door-hold conundrum.

First, there must be some time limit set as to how long you hold the door. After a few seconds, it simply becomes awkward. I would also say, that at least for me, the time limit is different for men and women (see table 4.2 below). Secondly, we must look at the hold-type. For women, I do what I call a FOCOF hold. That's full-open-clear-out-follow. I open the door fully, clear out of her way, and then allow her to enter first, following her in. Never, I repeat, NEVER do this for a man. It wreaks of non-heterocity. Trust me. For a man, I do a simple pause-and-reach-behind hold. I open the door, pause while holding it open just long enough so that they can catch it. These two hold-types seem to work well for me.

Now, as for the time, this will vary from person to person, and also may vary depending on the sex, age, and hotness of the holdee. As a rule, anything more than five seconds is going to be quite awkward. So, here are my suggestions. (And remember, I'm not an etiquette expert, but I do occasionally read Heloise and listen to the John Tesh radio program.)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Table 4.2:Door-hold limits (maximum suggested times listed)
Females: 3-5 seconds (May vary depending on hotness, age, and personal preference.)
Elderly males: 2-3 seconds (The key here is to avoid anyone falling or any broken bones.)
Other males: 1 second (The key here is to avoid appearing gay.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another way you can help to avoid awkward door-hold situations is to plan ahead. Be prepared. Always be aware of your surroundings. If you foresee an awkward door-holding situation arising in time, there are ways to avoid it. Alter your course. One way you can do this is by pausing to look at something. Another way to do this is by increasing or decreasing your walking pace. Here's an example: If I'm approaching a store and my ETA at the door is 3 seconds and I see a female approaching with an ETA of 7 seconds, I can slow my pace, making my ETA 5 seconds, leaving me with a less-awkward-looking 2 second hold time. Also, with females, since I do the full-open-clear-out-follow hold, this entire process can take off an extra second or two of possible awkward time.

As with anything you do, you will get better with practice. Try different methods, different holding times and walking speeds. The key is to avoid looking gay, and to find what works best for you. Everyone is bound to have an awkward encounter or two at first, but with time, patience, and lots of practice, you too can become a smooth, polished, and experienced door holder. People will wonder in amazement at how you always seem to arrive at the door at precisely the right time. You will be able to strike up conversations with more women than you ever imagined possible. And really, isn't that what it's all about?

"I've been unable, to put you down. I'm still learning things I ought to know by now..."

Lucky Seven

Well, I know you're anxiously awaiting my exclusive rankings for tonight's American Idol. Considering the theme, 70's dance music, I thought tonight's performances were very good overall. Paula was high again tonight, so it was all good. I had never heard of any of the songs, so that's probably good, too. There'll be no favorite-song-bias. Here I goeth:

1. Vonzell - It was really tough picking the best of the night. She probably didn't have the best vocal performance, but overall, appearance, stage presence, song choice, and vocals, she was very strong. Looked good in those jeans, too.

2. Bo - I think I'm letting the judges influence me here, because I didn't think it was all that awesome. When I first heard what the theme was for tonight, I was really nervous about how he was going to do. But he did have a very strong performance tonight after two or three bad weeks.

3. Constantine - He has slipped into that zone where he's so comfortable on stage, it's not like he's competing, he's performing. He doesn't just sing a song, he puts on a complete performance, love it or hate it. And I still think he has been the best overall since his "I Think I Love You" disaster.

4. Anthony - OK, this was his best performance. I thought his song choice was the best of the night. All his performances are starting to sound the same though. He always has this light-hearted pleasant sunshiny voice, week after week, no matter the song. He seems to have finally gotten comfortable on stage, but after so many poor performances, I don't know if he can still win. I guess it depends on if you vote based on the most recent performance, or overall.

5. Anwar - It's like Wayne Brady grew long hair and tried out for American Idol. I like Anwar. He's not bad, really. He just doesn't do anything to really set himself apart. He's pretty consistent though.

6. Carrie - I keep waiting for this great, knock-your-socks-off performance from her. She's a very pretty girl. I mean, she looked hot in her interview, but most of the time for her performance, her outfit and/or hair is just goofy. And I drop her from about 4th to 6th for that. She DID look like a Barbie. She just needs to be natural. She needs a theme where she can get back to singing country. I think it might do her good if she was in the bottom three tomorrow night. I don't think she's been there yet, and it might serve as a wake-up call.

7. Scott - OK, if it wasn't clear tonight, then it never will be. He is clearly three steps below everyone else on the vocal talent scale. The thing is, he didn't do badly. I thought this was one of his better performances. It's just that, it became clear to me tonight, this is as far as he can and should go.

So there you go. It might be hard to swallow, but that's what I thought. Who do you guys think will be voted off this week?

I'll be seein' ya when I see ya. Seacrest out!

"You're not the best thing that I knew. Never was. Never cared too much for all this hanging around. It's just the same thing all the time. Never get what I want. Never get too close to the end of the line..."

American Idol Poll Results

Here are the results from the latest IYROOBTY fun poll:

Who do you think should win American Idol?
1. Constantine (39.5%)
2. Carrie (34.2%)
3. Bo (23.7%)
4. Vonzell (2.6%)
5. Anwar (0.0%)
(tie) Scott (0.0%)
(tie) Anthony (0.0%)
Total votes: 38 (That's only 20 or 30 million less than the actual show gets!)

Thanks for voting. I haven't been able to think of a good idea for a new poll. Let me know if you have any ideas. Tonight's the night, American Idol night in the Bone household. I hope Kerry's live-blogging! I think I'm gonna fix tacos. However, it makes 12, and I can only possibly eat a maximum of 4, so I've gotta find someone to come over for dinner.

"Once upon a time, once when you were mine, I remember skies reflected in your eyes. I wonder where you are. I wonder if you think about me, once upon a time, in your wildest dreams..."

Minutial observations

(Movie preview guy voice) "Coming this fall: He already has two kids, but the third one is gonna blow your mind. Starring Britney Spears as herself. Kevin Federline IS The Impregginator. Rated R. Expected due date, September 2005. Special preview and sneak peek ultrasound coming soon to a National Enquirer near you."

Interesting observations
- This was in the documentation that came with my antibiotic last week: "This medication may pass into breask milk. Therefore, consult your doctor before breast-feeding." Hmm, that's nice to know. Is that warning intended for the mother, or the baby, or me?

- There is a sign with like five or six rules which hangs in the front window of Bumpers, where I go to play pool from time to time. One of the rules is: "No soiled clothing allowed." Is there a big problem with people missing pool shots and soiling themselves?

- So I'm watching CNN and you know how they have the stream running across the bottom of the screen with the latest news headlines. Well, I see this: "Earthquake strikes San Francisco. Kills more than 700. Ignites widespread fires." And I'm thinking, why the crap aren't they covering this, instead of running Crossfire? That is following by ", this date in 1906." Sheesh, they really shouldn't do that to me.

My weekend
Had dinner with some friends Friday night at the Barrell of Crack. Then watched the movie, Napoleon Dynamite. It was a little odd, but funny in parts. I worked Saturday until 1:00. Bunny was home from Virginia, so we met up with her and Cassie and went over to Bumpers (aka Bubba's) to shoot pool. We played teams, and Cassie was pretty good, so she and I won most of the games. Yesterday, I was dying, so I came home from church, did laundry, and spent a good bit of time in bed. I don't know what's going on, but I may have to go back to the doctor. We'll see.

Oh, before I go, actress Hayley Mills is 59 today. Happy birthday, Miss Bliss!

I think the Reds are on ESPN tonight. You have no idea how happy that maketh me. OK, now back to Gilmore Girls.

"And I don't understand why I sleep all day, and I start to complain that there's no rain. And all I can do is read a book to stay awake, and it rips my life away, but it's a great escape..."

Are those keys in your pants, or...

Thursday night, I lost my keys. I mean, seriouslah, for like thirty minutes. I was going to run to Taco Bell and pick up a bite to eat around 9:30, but I couldn't find my keys. My spare truck key stays in my truck, which makes a lot of sense. It's on the same keyring with all my work keys, and I keep them in there so I won't forget them when I come to work. Anyway, I looked everywhere they could possibly be, twice. Well, except for the mysterious tuppeware container in the fridge. I don't dare open that thing. Yikes! I was honestly starting to think that I wasn't going to be able to go to work Friday morning, because I couldn't find my keys. Finally, around 10:00, I found them. Care to put forth a guesstimate as to where they were? They were in my pocket... my BACK pocket. Why did I put them there? I'm really not sure. Why didn't I check there already? Well, because I think that is probably the first time in my entire life that I have ever put keys in my back pocket. Not only that, but I had already put my wallet in the same pocket, so they keys were in the bottom of my back pocket, under my wallet. Maybe I should get a European carry-all.

Things in my wallet
While weighing the pros and cons of getting a carry-all, I decided to make a list of things in my wallet at this very moment:
$71 cash
driver's license
social security card
an "in case of emergency" card (which is blank)
pocket calendar from my auto insurance agent, with years 2002-2004
piece of paper with remote dial-up number and passcode for work
check card
expired check card
politician's card
2 Applebee's lunch-a-bunch cards
10 check card receipts
check book & transaction register
Blockbuster Video membership card
expired Books-a-million discount card
Movie Gallery membership card
Zales gold card
2 Wal-Mart/Sam's Club cards (total remaining balance=$10.37)
2 Shell gift cards (total remaining balance=$101.53)
Blue Cross/Blue Shield membership card
2 State Farm auto insurance cards
5 Look Mom Video business cards
post-it note with my sister's address
1 Visa platinum credit card (you charge enough stuff, they'll make you gold, platinum, whatever)

Wow, that really seems like a lot once you list it like that. I think my wallet could win an award for the most efficient use of space. Guess I need to clean out some of this junk. Hang on a sec... OK, the check card receipts are gone. There, that's much better. Hmm, I thought I used to have a Band-aid in there.

"I'm sorry but I'm just thinkin' of the right words to say. I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be. But if you wait around awhile, I'll make you fall for me. I promise you..."

"Are you the guy that sings?"

While this may come as a surprise to some of you, or none of you, I don't get asked that question very often. Actually, I think yesterday was the first time I have ever been asked that question. Allow me to elucidate, if you will. I had to stop by the accountant's yesterday to pick up some final tax papers. The receptionist asked my name, and when I told her, this conversation ensued:

Her: "Oh, are you the guy that sings?"
Me: "Uh... no, I don't think so."
Her: "You're not the one with the singing message on your answering machine?"
Me: "Oh! Yes. That's me."
Another lady has come into the office by this time and hears us and says, "We called back just to hear it again."

For those who don't know me, I am sure further explanation is needed. My answering machine message is me singing the same message that George has on his machine in "The Susie" episode of Seinfeld. It's to the tune of the Greatest American Hero theme. If you'd like to hear it sometime, email me, I'll send you my home number and you can call and I won't answer :-)

Among the random messages I've gotten over the years are these:
"I actually dialed the wrong number, but I just wanted to let you know that is the funniest message I've ever heard."

"It's been like eleven years. Let it go."

191
What does this number signify?
A) Days since I last had a date
B) My apartment number
C) Number of visitors to my blog yesterday
D) My weight
E) Number of times I voted for Jessica her last week on American Idol

While any of those would have been good guesses, the correct answer, I'm sad to say, is D. One hundred ninety-one freakin' pounds!!! That's only 9 away from 200! I gotta lose some weight. Maybe I could go on Oprah and have Richard Simmons come and help me. On a related note, I am planning to start back running this afternoon after work. It'll be my first time to run in several weeks, since hurting my knee and then being sick.

Hi-C
Speaking of being sick, I finally went to the doctor Monday. He said I had a combination sinus infection/bronchitis, what I like to call Bronsinus. So he gave me some antibiotic and cough syrup (with hydrocodone). The nurse was telling me, "Now this cough medicine he has given you contains hydrocodone, so it might make you sleepy." I was thinking, "Oh, don't worry. I'm well-familiar with hydrocodone." I like to refer to it as Hi-C.

Did anyone else notice that my bottom three matched up exactly to America's votes this week on American Idol? That'll never happen again. Boy, was I nervous when it came down to Bo and Nadia. Who's next? I think Scott.

"That's not the beginning of the end. That's the return to yourself, the return to innocence..."

Duchovny 205, Bone 6

USA Today had a feature on celebrity blogs today. Here are a few to help you pass the time at work:

Pat Sajak I'd like to solve the puzzle. Blogosphere.

David Duchovny How is Mulder getting 205 comments on a single post? He can't be that interesting. Let's see you live blog a car stereo installation, buddy!

Britney Spears Once you enter the site, click on the "Love B" link on the menu to access her blog. She only posts a couple of times per month. Come on, Brit, we're ALL busy. Perhaps she'll check her site stats and see many referrals from If You Read Only One Blog This Year.

Rosie O'Donnell Wow, an actual blogger account.

Ian McKellen He's got something to do with Lord Of The Rings. I'm not really sure.

"Man, I don't know, where the time goes, but it sure goes fast, just like that..."

Idol Recap: The Elite Eight

Well, this week's American Idol was much better than last week. I thought Constantine was far and away the best this week. Vonzell, Carrie, Anwar, and Anthony were all pretty close to each other in my opinion. I could have ranked any one of them anywhere from 2-5. I think overall, Constantine, Bo, Carrie, and Vonzell would be my final four. I would be OK if Nadia or Scott were the next to go. Here are my rankings for the night:

1. Constantine - Wow! He killed tonight. He has really come on the last two weeks and has blown Bo and Carrie out of the water. "Bohemian Rhapsody" was a great choice. Is it just me, or does the music, lighting, and atmosphere always seem to be better for his performances? He's a little over-dramatic for my taste.

2. Vonzell - She is really growing on me. She never really has a terrible, terrible performance. But she hasn't really been that great, either. I thought tonight was one of her best nights. She's a pretty girl, too, which helps.

3. Carrie - Whoa! That was definitely different for Carrie. She was shakin' it, which was about the time she got my vote. Great outfit. Oh, the song? She can't get nearly as low as Benatar, but I thought she sang well. Well, I tend to agree with Simon's analogy. She's not comfortable with this type of music, but I give her an A for effort, and an A++ for appearance. So many people just act like she's so far and away better than everyone else, but I just don't see that in her performances. I mean, come on, we're down to the final eight and she messed up the words again.

4. Anwar - Sometimes Anwar's voice is smooth and soothing. Other times, it's fingernails-on-a-chalkboard irritating. I think he did well tonight. I could put him anywhere from 3rd to 5th. They were all pretty close in my mind.

5. Anthony - Since I've been watching, this is by far his best performance. Actually, it's his only decent performance that I can recall. But one decent night shouldn't make up for ten weeks of crap. Still, he clearly has a lot of fans, and probably saved himself for another week. I just get the feeling that this is about as well as he can do.

6. Bo - OK, Bo has slipped the past two weeks. I'm sure the teenage girl vote will carry him thru, but he needs to pick it up. I think he sang OK, but the music wasn't right or something. When I heard him announce he was singing "Freebird", I thought, OK, this is Bo, he's gonna rock. But then it was like he never completely just let go. Sounded too restrained. As for Simon telling him to do a popular song, what the crap? "Freebird" isn't popular? You need to come to Alabama.

7. Scott - I didn't like his interview at all. I feel like he's about to whack somebody at any moment. He's one who has trouble with the lower, starting notes everytime. He does OK on the big notes and when the song gets higher, but the verses are, as Simon might say, horrendous. But then again, he has such a great, fun-loving, happy attitude. (I hope you know that was blog sarcasm.) Simon better be careful, Scott is probably packin' heat.

8. Nadia - The song was boring. She is just not likable to me. Perhaps its her labor-pain-face when she sings. And that dress!! Please make it stop. Cover my eyes!! I've seen way too much already.

"You say the weather in Atlanta is foggy and gray, work gets harder everyday, and your new boyfriend is holdin' on too tight..."

Opryland Historical Tours

Announcing the all-new Opryland Historical Tours, by Bone. Come and relive the magic of Opryland USA. Tours are held Monday-Saturday, beginning at 9:00 AM, at the original location of the Grizzly River Rampage at the Opry Mills complex.

Each tour guide is arrayed in an original Opryland park employee outfit, and will share with you interesting stories, personal memories, and historical facts about the theme park. Each tour includes a a thirty minute video about Opryland USA, including footage shot by visitors to the park during its twenty-six years in operation.

After the video, you'll be able to walk thru the river bed of what once was the Grizzly River Rampage, where you will have plenty of photo opportunities. You can also take pictures next to the "Opry Mills Sucks" and "Gaylord Stole My Childhood" signs.

And browse thru tons several items of Opryland memorabilia, including an original Tin Lizzie, a log from the Flume Zoom, a skee ball, a half-eaten slice of pizza from Julio's, and some chicken wire from the park's famous petting zoo.

Refreshments are available, including fruit-shaped fruit drinks, just like those sold at the original Opryland USA. So if you have fond memories of Opryland, or even if you never got to go to Opryland because your baby sister always got to go where she wanted on vacation, you will not want to miss the Opryland Historical Tour.

Legal disclaimer: Opryland Historical Tours is not liable for the actions of any guests. We will not be held responsible for any legal action that may be taken against you or any member of your party by Gaylord Entertainment or any of its subsidaries, nor any physical harm or trauma that may be caused by the Opry Mills rent-a-cops. By taking part in this tour, you may or may not be trespassing, but most likely are.

Well, that's my dream. My entrepreneurial thought for the week. Or for the year. Whichever. For more info, check out last year's post on Opryland Nostalgia.

"They put up a plant where we used to park. That old drive-in's a new Wal-Mart. The cafe is closed, where our names were carved in that corner booth. Yeah, everything's changed, except for the way I feel about you..."

Blog entries don't grow on trees

I hear the whispers, the little comments. "Why haven't you blogged today?" "Your blog is slipping." "Retire, Bone. You just don't have it anymore." "My new boyfriend is a lot funnier than you." Oh, wait. Well, my friends, coming up with a creative, funny, and interesting blog entry which stimulates the brain and delights the senses is not always easy.

Have I thought about giving it up? Sure. What blogger hasn't? But I think I will know when it's time to go, somehow. A great blog entry is like a 50-point game in the NBA. Late in Michael Jordan's career, before retirement #2, you knew he wasn't going to go for fifty every night. But you also knew that once in awhile, on a given night, he could still rediscover the magic. So, I'm still here. It's just that the fifty point games don't happen quite as often as they once did.

The weekend...
...was exhausting. Friday night included billiards, bowling, and cards. Got home about 1:30, then I had to work 10-5 on Saturday. That was about as fun as a rectal thermometer. Went to Huntsville Saturday night, bought some clothes at Old Navy and had dinner at Greenbrier, one of my favorite places to eat. I haven't been feeling too well today. I think I may actually call and get a doctor's appointment tomorrow.

And happy birthday to Jessica, who turned 24 yesterday.

Dialogue
"Well, I'll see what she is willing to do... computer-wise, that is."

"I drown mine out with lots of toothpaste."
"Just don't look at it before you put it in your mouth."

"How long do you have?"
"Six minutes."
"Well, that's five minutes longer than I've ever talked to a girl."

"I know they've all been talking 'bout me. I can hear them whisper, and it makes me think there must be something wrong, with me..."

That just isn't fair

A cute girl can talk you into almost anything. But two cute girls, working together? Well, that just isn't fair. I mean, I'm only human. What can I do? I'm flesh and blood. There's no sense in fighting it. Just surrender. It's a whole lot easier that way. Maybe I'll post a picture later :-)

I hope everyone has a great weekend. I think bowling and probably billiards are on the agenda again this weekend. Except, we have to start bowling earlier, because last week when they turned down the lights for extreme bowling or whatever, we were yawning and complaining about how we couldn't see to bowl. Oh man, when did I get old?

Found out this week the wedding date of another of my ex-girlfriends, May 21st. Congratulations to her. What is that wise old Chinese proverb? Ummmmmm.... oh yeah! Man with many ex commit suicide.

I tried this Airborne stuff last night. You know, the medicine that was created by a schoolteacher or whatever? Well, I don't know if it was the Airborne or something I ate, but I slept hard and had some really, really whacked out dreams, even crazier than normal. Actually, one of them was kind of nice, but, I digress.

Oh, good luck to my little running partner on her first 10K run Sunday ;-) There's a race in Decatur tomorrow, but I'm not going to be able to go because I've been sick. I have to work tomorrow as well.

Dialogue
"Why don't I ever get quoted on your journal?"
"I don't know."
"That is crap. I should be in there sometime. I mean, we have funny conversations all the time."
"We do?"

"I kinda like sneezing."
"You do?"
"Yeah, I mean. It's kinda neat. Now, coughing, that's bad. But sneezing kinda feels good. You know what I mean?"
"No, not really."
"Could just be me."
"Yeah, I think it's mostly just you."

"I walk this empty street, on the boulevard of broken dreams, where the city sleeps. And I'm the only one and I walk alone..."

Tony Saunders

ESPN did a nice story on this guy last night, so I looked around on the net for something today. Here's one story I found. He is attempting another comeback after twice breaking his arm while pitching. Broke the humerus clean in two both times. The video of it hurst just to watch. Ouch! It's basically the same injury that ended the careers of Tom Browning and Doug Drabek, except it's happened to Saunders twice, once while pitching for the Devil Rays, then just over a year later it happened again after he had rehabbed and was pitching in a minor league game. I'm rooting for the guy.

"Oh yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone..."

Seinfeld Poll Results

Well, it's been a couple of weeks, so time for a new poll. This one is simple. Who do you think should win American Idol? No toll free numbers to call, no text messages necessary. And yes, I came thisclose to putting Jessica Sierra on there anyway. She would've gotten one vote for sure :-) You'll always have my vote, baby (sniff, sniff).

Here are the results of the most recent IYROOBTY poll:

Who is your favorite 'Seinfeld' character?
1. Kramer (40.6%)
2. George (25.5%)
3. Elaine (12.5%)
4. Jerry (10.9%)
5. Frank Costanza (4.7%)
6. Newman (3.1%)
(tie) J. Peterman (3.1%)
And one write-in vote for the Soup Nazi ;-)
(Total votes=64)

Did the K man do it or did the K man do it! I thought Kramer and George were the best two, also. Watching the extras on the DVD's, it's obvious Michael Richards is an exceptional actor. Thanks for voting.

"Baby, if you've ever wondered, wondered what ever became of me, I'm living on the air in Cincinnati..."

Surreal Life / Idol Recap

VH-1 Announces Lineup For Fifth Season Of Surreal Life

Jose Canseco, Omarosa, Bronson Pinchot, AND Pepa (of Salt'n'Pepa). Balki Bartokomous and Pepa! Are you kidding me? This is gonna be great. Hope I remember to watch. VH-1 isn't on my brain's standard list of channels to browse. I mean, it's not like Lifetime or anything. What?

AI: The Final Nine
Ugh, that was not the best American Idol I've seen. I thought Constantine was far and away the best, taking into account vocals, stage presence, and originality. I thought Bo was um, not good, to put it nicely. (Sorry, Kerry.) I hope he wins, but that just wasn't his thing. He kinda sounded like someone with a cold. Of course, with last night's theme, most of them looked about as comfortable as George Bush at a peace rally. (I can't let Simon out-analogy me, although I find myself agreeing with him more and more.) Anwar has started out flat like three weeks in a row now. He's slipping. Carrie sang well, but I thought she was a distant second last night. Sometimes she seems almost too mechanical and needs to show more personality, if she has any. Last night, she reminded exactly me of the girl who played Miss Rhode Island on an episode of Seinfeld. Jerry dates Miss Rhode Island and her talent is magic, but Jerry pours water on her birds and kills them, so she has to scrap her magic act and try to sing. That's all I could think of while Carrie was out there.

And what was the deal with Paula? Was she high or something? Every freakin' song was not a once-in-a-lifetime standing-ovation-demanding performance. And how did I get started watching this show again? Oh, that's right. Jessica Sierra. *sigh*

My top eight: (I didn't see Scott, so I can't rank him.)
Constantine
Carrie
Vonzell
Nadia
Bo
Nikko
Anwar
Anthony

"It's the simple things in life, like the kids at home and a loving wife, that you miss the most, when you lose control..."

Sportsfan's Paradise

There used to be this game that my grandmother would play with me. She'd throw me a ball and I'd hit it with my hand. Then I'd try to run around her living room and she'd try to hit me. Sometimes she would hit me really hard, and sometimes she would hit me in the head, and we'd laugh. Well, she'd laugh. I don't remember laughing all that much...

Except, there are no rines
Something weird happened yesterday. After the Reds game went off, I had dozed off on the couch. I was awakened by the ringing (is it still called ringing?) of my cell phone. I was in that just-woke-up-haze, but as I picked up the phone, I thought it said "Mom" was calling from her cell phone. Well, I answered and some man asked, "Is ______ there?" I can't remember what name he said. Figuring I must've looked at the screen wrong, I just said, "No, I think you've got the wrong number." Well, as I continued coming out of my slumber, I checked my incoming calls list and indeed, Mom was the last number recorded. So then I began to get worried, but I didn't want to call back because I thought that the same man might answer. I tried her work number, but there was no answer. By that point, I was really worried, thinking perhaps some cat burglar had jacked Mom upside the head with a sock full of pennies and stolen her phone. So then I called my sister and told her what had happened. She called Mom, then called me back to say that she got her. Turns out Mom had tried to call me and some girl had answered. Thinking I had a girl over, Mom asked her what we were doing and the girl told her she had the wrong number. I think Mom thought we were just trying to get rid of her. So anyway, apparently the rines were crossed, on our cell phones. It was strange.

Speaking of the Reds
Did you see the game?!?! I came home from work and it was tied at 3. Then we fell behind 6-4 and I guess I must have dozed off again. This Da Vinci sleep is killing me. Anyway, I came to and the bottom of the ninth was beginning. I was thinking, great, an opening day loss. Then, Kearns reached on a leadoff single, Dunner (I just made up that nickname) blasted his second homer of the game to tie it, and one of the newest Reds, Joe Randa, won the game with a solo shot to left field. Magical! I was lovin' it. This could be our year!! (Leave me alone, this is my fantasy. Maria, what are you doing here? Wrong fantasy. Ummm, on second thought, you can stay.)

Carolina Blue, babee
Then the NCAA Championship Game last night. Carolina has always been kinda my second team, ever since the days of Jordan, Perkins, Worthy, Doherty, Jimmy Black, etc. I thought it was a good game, maybe not great. It seemed like when UNC went to a zone to protect Felton that Illinois was either confused or just settling for outside shots. They took 40 3's! You're not gonna win a high percentage of games shooting 40 3-pointers.

American Idol is down to the final nine tonight. I sure hope Kerry is live-blogging ;-)

"After all that we've been thru, I will make it up to you. I promise to..."

Workplace Napping Day

Today is National Workplace Napping Day, sagaciously placed on the Monday after the beginning of Daylight Savings Time, beacause let's face it, we're all probably a little lethargic today (or everyday if you're like me). So clear off your desk, put your head down, and enjoy this holiday. It's really not that difficult once you get used to it.

Oh yeah, about tonight. My pick: North Carolina 82, Illinois 78. So in other words, the smart money is probably on Illinois ;-)

"Nothing has been all right, since Bruce Springsteen, Madonna, way before Nirvana..."

Play ball!

Opening Day and the Final Four in the same weekend? Are you kiddin' me?! I'm lovin' it. Sittin' here watching the Yankees and Red Sox kicking off the 2005 Season. Joe Morgan is the best baseball commentator by far. Oh, Matsui just reached over the fence and robbed Millar of a homer! This is great. Opening day, the weather is getting warmer, the days are getting longer. I really get into baseball for the first month or two. Then comes June when my beloved Reds almost without fail begin to fade, and I lose interest until the playoffs. But not this year... hopefully.

I'm playing fantasy baseball this year for the first time in 3 or 4 years. Our draft was today. I had the first pick and I went with Pujols. (Note to self: ALWAYS check the disabled list BEFORE beginning a fantasy league draft.) Here is my roster...

C Paul Loduca (Marlins)
C Jason Larue (Reds)
1B Albert Pujols (Cardinals)
2B Tony Womack (Yankees)
2B Jose Vidro (Nationals)
SS Derek Jeter (Yankees)
3B Casey Blake (Indians)
3B Ryan Freel (Reds)
OF Adam Dunn (Reds)
OF Larry Walker (Cardinals)
OF Scott Posednik (White Sox)
OF Raul Ibanez (Mariners)
OF Lance Berkman (Astros)
SP Jason Schmidt (Giants)
SP Freddy Garcia (White Sox)
SP Oliver Perez (Pirates)
SP Eric Milton (Reds)
SP Ted Lilly (Blue Jays)
RP Francisco Cordero (Rangers)
RP LaTroy Hawkins (Cubs)
RP Joe Borowski (Cubs)
[+/-]view/done

Otherwise this weekend... Friday night, we went bowling and shot pool. I was off Saturday. Mom fixed birthday dinner for my sister's husband, so I went over there for lunch. Otherwise, watched the Final Four. The games were not nearly as exciting as the Elite 8 last weekend, but tomorrow night's championship game should be exciting. And yes, I picked UNC and Illinois to make the championship game. And I picked UNC to win. So, we shall see.

The apple incident
Went to Wal-Mart late last night. I got a shopping cart with a bad wheel, so you could basically hear me across the entire store. As I was checking out, I had selected two shiny Granny Smith apples, and had put them in the little produce bag. Well, the cashier can't get them to ring up. She tries probably fifteen times or more. She takes the clear plastic cover off the scanner and tries to clean it. Finally, she's just like, "I'm sorry, I can't get these to scan." So, I'm thinking, what does that mean, I get them for free? No, apparently, it means that I can't purchase any delicious Granny Smith apples on this evening. So she sets them off to the side and I don't get my apples. I don't get it. It's produce. Don't you just type in a little code and weigh it? I can even tell you how much they are per pound. Just overcharge me. A dollar each. I'll pay a dollar each. You can pocket the profit. But nooooo. So, anyway, I'm sitting here now just imagining how my apple would be tasting right about now.

"There comes a time in everyone's life when all you can see are the years passing by. And I have made up my mind that those days are gone..."

What's better than a good wingman?

A good wingwoman. Of course! Why didn't I think of this?

Wingwomen.com

"Wingwomen.com is a revolutionary service for men who want to meet women. Every guy out there knows that it is much easier to meet women when you're around other women. Here at Wingwomen.com we are able to provide you with those women."

I'm not sure if this is legit or just a clever cover for an escort service, but it is definitely easier to meet women when you're out with a girl. Wingman, wingdog, wingbaby, and now, wingwoman. I guess it was only a matter of time.

The streak is over
Last night, for the first time since December 2003, I went inside a movie theater. Saw The Ring 2. It was pretty good. From what I remember, probably not quite as good as the first, but most sequels aren't.

2 movie tickets... $14.50
Popcorn and 2 Cokes... $8.85
Watching Naomi Watts in distress for two hours... Well, you know the rest.

Have a great weekend!

"This girl came up to me, she said she's new in town. But the crew been sayin' they seen her around. I thought they were right, but I didn't wanna know. The girlie was def and she wanted to go..."