First off, is there enough interesting material in my life to even fill an hour a week? Secondly, I'd most likely have to wear pants around the house. Then of course, there would be the inevitable invite to be on Dancing With The Stars, where I would probably go out early like Kenny Mayne and the man from Apple because my mom can't see Russia from her house and I was never married to Jon Gosselin. Lastly -- and this is where today's post comes in -- every embarrassing moment of my life would be chronicled for all the world to see.
A little background, if you will:
During football season, if I'm not at the Bama game, I'm watching on TV. And I have a circle of friends with whom I am constantly texting throughout the game, sometimes after every play. I like to think of them as my mobile entourage. There's Axl, my sister, Wolfgang, and the female component of Kywana.
That brings us to earlier this week. I got a call from a number that's not programmed into my phone. Now, I don't usually answer calls
What follows is a never-before-published recap of that conversation, with my thoughts in italics, included for your enjoyment.
A male voice greets me. "Mister Bone?"
"Hi, this is (name withheld) from AT&T. We noticed you had gone over your allotted number of text messages last month."
*cringe* "I am aware."
"Looking at your account, you actually would save money if you upgraded your data plan."
Looking at my account? Shouldn't that be illegal? Stupid Patriot Act.
"You currently get 1500 texts per month. You used over 1800 last month, which came out to about 12 dollars in overage charges."
You oughta be thanking me for using that many texts. Ever hear of frequent flier miles? I should be rewarded! There should be an 1800 Club for people like me. Or... at least a Texters Anonymous.
"If you were to go to the next highest plan, it would be 10 dollars more, but you would get unlimited texts."
(Pause for response. There is none.)
"So if you think you're going to be texting a lot every month, then that's something you might want to consider."
Apparently, I'm a teenage girl.
"Don't try to dig what we all say. I'm not trying to cause a big sensation. Just talkin' 'bout my generation..."